Pox of the Chicken Variety
by todd fan
Summary: ONESHOT Jamie gets chicken pox, which allows for germfreak Scott to have lots of torture at the hands of his little brother.


Pox of the chicken variety

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but **this** is an imposition".

**&&&&&**

Oh yes, it's another Summers brother one-shot of joy (with added Jamie and Forge!). You can blame Trouble for this one, it's showing re-runs of Brotherly Love, as show I adored in my younger teen years, I'm so happy to see it again. You know, Joe is quite in personality like Alex, while Matt is a lot like Scott, switch the ages around and you have Scott and Alex….frightening. This one-shot was inspired by the Chickenpox episode 'Outbreak'…you can see where I'm going with this…

And yes, I **have** read X-Men: The End. I'm currently…iffy on the whole subject, it doesn't fit, genetically, at all, and so I'm sticking my fingers in my ears, closing my eyes and shouting 'la-la-la-la' in a loud voice. As far as I'm concerned, there are **TWO** Summers brothers, and two there shall remain…so there.

**&&&&&**

It was a perfectly normal day at Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters. Actually, no, it **wasn't** a normal day, as nothing had happened.. at all. No fires, no flash floods, no one had been frozen to the toilet seat and no one had yet gained food poisoning from Kitty's cooking. Looking back, the adults admitted they should have known something was coming. And come it did.

"It itches, it itches, it **itches**!"

….Jamie Madrox caught the Chickenpox. As his mutation was apparent from birth, Jamie had never really done much in the 'real world'. Having being kept in solitude (or as solitary as someone with his mutation could be) in his family home in Kansas, being home schooled and the such, he never had the chance to be exposed to the illness, now he was going to school and living with several other students, mingling with others in the process,…well, now he was getting the pleasure. (1)

"I know it itches, Jamie", said Hank with a patient sigh, "but you can't scratch it, you'll only infect it.. and probably cause scarring"

Jamie glowered at Hank.

"…I still don't see why I have to wear the socks"

Jamie, indeed, had a sock strapped to each hand, so the youngest mutant of the household wasn't tempted into scratching. Of course, he'd already tried to create a clone to do the job for him, but the clone ended up **also** wearing the socks, and as chickenpoxed as Jamie. Giving the clone idea up, his empathic link with his clones making two cases of chickenpox unbearable, Jamie had reabsorbed his clone and resorted to sulking in his room.

"The socks will stop you from scratching", said Hank firmly, "now, get plenty of bed rest, and you'll be better in no time. And please, please, stay away from Scott, he's the only one in the house that hasn't been afflicted with it yet"

"How can he manage that, he's eighteen!", said Jamie, "at least I have an excuse, he doesn't!"

"I'm not entirely sure on that", said Hank with a shrug, "but he seemed quite worried when I told him about you… almost panicky, really"

"Oh, really?", said Jamie, concealing an evil smirk from his teacher.

**&&&&**

Jean looked worriedly at the clock, Scott had locked himself in the bathroom for well over two hours now….she was getting worried. Every time she tried to talk with him, he's tell her he was 'fine' and would 'be out in a minute'. She turned her head from the clock as the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it then, shall I?", she muttered, a quick mental scan proving no one else was in the slightest bit interested in answering.

She opened the door to a grinning Alex, a duffle bag slung casually over his shoulder. Jean arched a brow. Did he wear that Hawaiian shirt **everywhere**, she'd never seen him take the thing off. Maybe the obsessive Summers gene hadn't avoided the younger of the brothers. Jean winced, she'd only just remembered Alex was supposed to come today for one of his rare visits…with Jamie getting sick, everyone seemed to have forgotten, which was perfectly normal for the house, really.

"Aloha, Jena", grinned Alex, "here I am"

"Heh…so you are", said Jean with a nervous laugh, blocking the doorway, trying to look casual, "you haven't had chickenpox yet, have you?"

She assumed not, and had prepared for the same reaction from Scott, who had given a girlish scream and locked himself in the bathroom, where he still was.

"Had them when I was three", said Alex with a shrug, "why?"

"Jamie's come down with them", said Jean, then blinked, "waaait, you and Scott hadn't been separated then, you were still together!"

"Yeaaah?", prompted Alex.

"So how could **you** have the Chickenpox and Scott never have had them at all?"

She was answered by a strange breathing that sounded a lot like Darth Vader had walked into the room. She looked up to see Scott, dressed in one of Hank's bio-hazard suits, which was clearly too big for him, thick rubber gloves..and a scuba mask…with snorkel.

"That's how", said Alex, rolling his eyes, "when I had them, he went to live in the basement, and refused to come out until I was better. Mom had to sterilise all his food before he ate it"

He gave a smirk in Scott's direction.

"Scott's afraid of a little bit of chicken pox".

"When you had them, you thought you were going to turn **into** a chicken!", retorted Scott, his voice distorted from the scuba gear.

"Only because **you **said I would", sniffed Alex., then gasped, staring at his brothers face, "oh no"

Scott paled slightly.

"What?"

"I..I don't know how to tell you this, bro, but I …I think you have", Alex paused for effect, "the pox"

Scott's eyebrows shot up above his shades, suggesting his eyes had just gone very, very wide.

"No, no it can't be!", he screamed, dashing into the bathroom, looking in the mirror, yanking off his scuba gear as he went.

Sure enough, a little red spot (even though **everything** Scott saw was red) was sitting on his cheek.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!", wailed Scott, "I was so careful, how could this happen!"

Alex appeared beside him, throwing a consoling arm over his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, bro", he said, "it finally got you…can I have your stereo?"

Scott gave a sob.

"Yeah, you can, my baby brother", Scott sobbed, grabbing Alex's head into a bear hug, causing the younger mutant to squeak, "oh man, we'd just become close and now we're being separated again!"

"…I don't think it's possible to die from chickenpox, Scott", pointed out Jean, then looked at Alex, "he's taking this awfully hard, isn't he?"

"You should have seen him when he got the flu", said Alex, pulling his head free, "he wrote out a will"

He looked at Scott sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Scott", he said, "sorry you got…you got"

Alex grinned.

"The sauce"

Scott paused, mid-wail.

"Pardon?"

Alex swiped his finger over the 'spot' on his brothers cheek, it coming off with ease. He tasted it with his tongue.

"Tomato, I believe", said Alex, then laughed, "man, I can't believe you still fall for that one"

Scott twitched, turning on his brother.

"Uh oh", said Alex with a nervous laugh, "I'll…err…hide"

With that, he made a break for it.

"Mom and Dad could have stopped with me", moaned Scott, "but nooooooooooooooo. I had to have a 'companion'. I had to have a baby brother!".

**&&&&**

In the common room, the New Recruits were begin regaled by Alex's tale of Scott's 'sauce issue' when Jamie walked in.

"Hey guys", he said, "have you seen Scott? I want to cough on him and make him spaz"

Alex grinned.

"I love this kid", he said, "he's hiding somewhere with Jean"

"Oh", said Jamie, a little crestfallen, then sighed, "I'll look for him in the kitchen, see you later"

He gave them a wave, causing Ray to snort with laughter.

"Look, it's like a low budget puppet show!", chuckled Ray.

Jamie narrowed his eyes, holding up a sock-covered hand, then looking at it.

"It's a pity you can't see what finger I'm holding up" (2)

Jamie walked through into the kitchen, where Logan appeared to be scowling at Forge..hard. Jamie lent on the fridge, rubbing his back against it with a sigh. Logan's wrath moved from Forge to Jamie.

"**STOP SCRATCHING NOW!**"

Jamie squeaked, leaping three feet away from the fridge.

"Sorry, Logan", he said meekly, then looked at Forge, "watchya got?"

Forge pulled out an odd-shaped box with a button on the top.

"I made this thing in my sleep", said Forge, looking at it, "it has a button on it, I want to press it, but I'm not sure what it will do"

"**No**!", snapped Logan, taking the device off him

He rolled up his newspaper and smacked Forge over the head with it.

"Bad inventor! Bad!"

"Oww!", said Forge, rubbing his head, "you don't have to smack me!"

Logan growled.

"You go fix the holographic projection chamber like ya **supposed** ta", he threatened, "or I'll put the squeasy water bottle on ya!"

"I'm going, I'm going", moaned Forge, heading off to the lower levels, Jamie deciding to trail after him. Hey, he was bored, and whenever Forge was around, something interesting almost always happened.

**&&&&&**

Meanwhile, in the Common Room, Scott had appeared, ignoring comments made by the present X-Men about if he 'wanted sauce with that', and 'did he feel saucy tonight'. No he strode determinedly to the piano and sat on it's stool, lifting the lid.

"…What are you doing?", asked Alex.

"I'm going to sing SSSS", said Scott, setting his jaw.

Alex's eyes widened.

"Awww no, come on bro!", he said, "that's cruel and unusual!"

"SSSS?", asked Kurt.

"Scott Summers' Safety Song", said Scott, testing the keys, "I invented it to keep Alex safe. I'd sing it to him: Every. Single. Day. I think we should start that again, don't you, little brother?"

"**NOOOOOOOO!**", cried Alex, "no, no, no I don't think that's a good idea"

"A'h want to hear this song", said Rogue, who quite personally was interested in seeing what would reduce Alex to his current state.

Alex, who had been looking like a torture victim who was about to go through something gruesome, and knew it, turned to look at her.

"All twenty four verses?", he asked.

Jean blinked.

"Twenty four verses?", she asked.

"I added on extra lines and verses every time Alex did something unsafe", said Scott, "for his own protection".

"You only knew each other in childhood for four years!", protested Bobby, "how can you get twenty four verses from that?"

"I was a very accident prone child", shrugged Alex, then winced as Scott began to play.

The sound that commenced from the piano sounded like it belonged on the Barney show.. or possibly Sesame Street. Alex closed his eyes, bracing himself, the others, not knowing what to expect, looking on in interest as Scott began to sing.

**Look both ways before crossing the street**

**Keep the sidewalk under your feet**

**Don't run with scissors**

**Don't play with knives**

**This is how we stay alive**

"……This is a little more disturbing than I thought", said Ray.

"Think yourself lucky this wasn't part of your morning routine", growled Alex, who appeared to be rocking in his chair slightly.

Scott, regardless of this, carried on.

**Leave that box of matches well alone**

**Please remember to phone home**

**Don't drink from toilets**

**Don't kick bee hives**

**Gee, it's great to stay alive**

"I think this is going to take.. quite a while", said Jean with a sigh.

**&&&&&**

Jamie had chosen to watch Forge as he worked away on the holographic technology buried within the Danger Room controls. More accurately, he had been watching Forge's arm.

"Can I press the button when it's done?", he asked.

"No", said Forge, not looking up.

"Why do **you** always get to press the button?", whined Jamie.

"Because", replied Forge, not looking up form his work. (3)

Jamie frowned, before smiling at him.

"Hey, will you fix up something in my room for me?", he asked, "like a super game station, or something? 'Cause I really bored sitting in bed with nothing to do, in fact, I get really, really, really, really, really, really…"

"If I say yes, will you shut up and go away?", asked Forge.

"Yes", said Jamie.

"Okay, fine, I'll fix one up before you leave"

Jamie grinned, giving Forge a hug.

"You're the **best**, Forge!", he said, then hastily moved into his original plan, trying to scratch his head with Forge's bionic arm.

Forge, however, caught on quickly, which was not surprising from someone with an I.Q of over three hundred. He quickly moved out of Jamie's way.

"Nu-uh, little dude", he said, "no scratching, **especially** not on my arm. You'll get it all scabby and gross"

"Awww!", said Jamie, getting up and walking away, "you're no fair!"

**&&&&&**

Meanwhile, Scott had launched into the twenty third verse of 'Scott Summers' Safety Song'. The others were beginning to feel Alex's pain.

**Don't talk to strangers that you don't know**

**Leave that bottle of bleach alone**

**Don't juggle tooth picks**

**You'll poke out your eyes**

**Sing with Scott to stay alive**

"Last verse!", announced Scott, still playing the beat on the piano, "your part, Alex"

Alex gave his brother a glare that would melt ice.

"I. Am Not. Singing. That. Verse", he bit out.

"Oh come on!", said Scott cheerfully, "for old times sake, Mom would have liked it".

"That was low", muttered Alex darkly.

Scott ignored, him, going on to play the tune. Alex muttered the verse in a monotone, half-hearted voice.

**If I listen to my big brother**

**I'll be safer than no other**

**Scott knows best**

**Hip-hip-hooray**

**He'll help me see my next birthday**

Scott finished with a flourishing tinkling of the piano, then turned to grin at his audience, who collapsed into a fit of laughter.

"I'm going to my guest bedroom to curl up and die", announced Alex, then glared at his brother, "I hope Jamie breathes all over you"

He gave a look at Jean.

"You are aware that if you two ever marry and have kids, they'll be subjected to that torture", he said, "he'll probably throw in an extra verse or two, just to be safe….geek"

With that, the younger Summers brother stormed out, muttering about wishing he was an only child.

"And that", announced Scott with a grin, "is how it's done"

He grinned, getting up triumphantly, walking out of the common room with a big grin on his face. Unfortunately for Scott, he walked right into Jamie. The smaller mutant fell to the ground with a thud, creating two clones. Scott gave a squeak of terror as he back-pedalled away. Jamie groaned, his clones helping him up. All three Jamie's glanced up, grinning as they saw Scott.

"Hello, Scott", they said in that creepy children-of-the-corn way that Jamie(s) had.

"I've…got to go", said Scott, racing off making a furious grab for his scuba gear, putting them on with a sigh of relief.

"Hah!", said Scott proudly, walking past Jamie, "I'm not caught **that **easily!"

It wasn't until Scott had left that one clone turned to Jamie.

"Are you going to tell him that you-we coughed all on that scuba gear?", he asked.

Jamie gave an evil chuckled, re-absorbing his clones.

"Nah, he'll find out for himself soon enough"

**&&&&&**

(1) – Yes, Jamie had his powers from birth, at least comic Jamie did, so I am assuming Evo Jamie did too. It's recently been hinted that Jamie is something other than a mutant, in the last issue if his mini-series. Hopefully, this will become more clear when the new X-Factor comic starts up (crosses fingers and hopes for Forge).

(2) – From Friends, when Phoebe caught the chickenpox and had oven mitts strapped to her hands.

(3) – A real comic exchange for you there, in on of the annuals, Jamie and Forge are on a mission, and Jamie wants to use the telescope, when he asks why Forge always gets to man it, Forge replies 'because'.

Tee hee, and there we go. I had this fic in the works for about two weeks. Scott Summers' Safety Song was created while I was in work today.. which proves sitting in a room with dryer fumes id bad for ones sense of sanity. Do review! Thanks for reading.


End file.
